Sunday, February 05, 2006

Bloody Hell, I missed church today. Did not get a call from my mom to wake up, and so I slept through my other alarm. Ugh. The week never feels quite as light when I do not go. It is for me a place of rejuvenation. Plus, I feel it only right that I go and give thanks when I especially ask so much lately, dealing with applications etc of God. Its like, would you keep asking favors of someone, but never go to their house or say thank you? Of course not, so going to church is like my thank you to God. Yet, I think he understands that my heart is always near and my thoughts are of his ways, even if I stumble.
Now I know you are going to laugh or mock me for it, but I asked Matt from work to sort of be my religious counselor. I asked because I believe that I have some unanswered questions in relation to my discernment, and unfortunately I have no God head person talk to on these matters. I mean I know my minister knows I am gay now, but its very difficult to talk to someone in this vein, because I have kept the two parts of my life so separate. Since, Matt is actually going to be a minister, then why not utitlize his knowledge on the subject, because in these matters, he would have to be discreet because I am going to him, not as friend or coworker, but as one who needs minstered to. After all, as one who gives so much religious advice, I too feel a need to get some in return. Is that bad? I think it is humbling to realize that I may be able to discern God's will sometimes, but I too am just one of many and need guidance and support. Hmmmmm.
Went to Jeremy's house last night, and spur of the moment we decided to go to Baltimore for a bit. How random is that? Good times, met some friends of his, and stayed in York rather than drive back to Lancaster or Ephrata. Hence, my oversleeping. The couch wasn't too bad, especially when wasted. Bars in Baltimore suck compared to ones I've been in throughout other parts of the nation and NYC. Even the gay bar I was in in London was cooler, and that wasn't even that big there. Yeah, his friends suck, one got sick, and all that rot, ewww. I mean, not a small guy and yet he couldn't hold his liquor for toffee. Here I am, all little, and I was totally good after a martini, shots of jaeger, and a long island. wow, just realized i drank that much. Only good thing about the bar, drinks were cheap! Still used to NYC prices, so I always smile inwardly when the bill is not so outrageous. Yeah, what a night.
Jeez, there's something else I want to write, but its like just at the tip of my tongue, or fingers I guess you'd say. Currently watching City of Angels I believe its called, with Meg Ryan, and Nicholas Cage. Never seen it the whole way through. Oh yeah, angels. I very much am interested in them right now, as well as their counterparts. It may stem from my theory that we are on the verge of a very big global crisis due to Iran and its refusal to stick to the nuclear non proliferation acts set by the UN. Something big is coming.
Well, gotta watch the rest of this movie, I'll think a bit more on this, and write later. Angels, do you remember seeing them as a child? Did you see them as a child I guess I should say? I did, and I miss it. I miss their voices too... Calm, quiet, yet surrounded you with an aura of comfort and beauty. Amazing I still remember it. My grandmother was right, children, who are innocent, will see and hear them, but as we age, we no longer do. Only sometimes...or maybe God sends them in different form now...


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