The Unknown...



So much is uncertain now. And I just want to know whom I can depend on. The best are so far away, and I cannot get to them presently. And the ones nearby are the variables. Funny, I once dumped someone for not being there for me one time. Why then do I have such a hard time figuring out what to do in other situations? It would not matter except its always those small backhanded comments that hurt the most. I just cannot get over one of yours, and its eating me up. My issue, I know. But, why be so cruel, when I have always tried to be thoughtful? I know I have failed, but I tried. I have been there for you, and for the first time I wonder if you will be there for me? If not, what makes us friends, and am I that blind? You can only use people so long...

This probably makes no sense, and I think therein lay my problem. I am just not able to make any sense of my emotions or thoughts anymore. They are so mixed by hate, love, anger, grief, euphoria. What will be the catalyst to finally bring it to some defined point? I do not know. I hate not knowing anymore. Uncertainty has to end, its killing me. This summer shall be one long isolation, granted my own fault. But did I need to be reminded of it? Maybe, but who's to say?

I want to be okay. I want to be stong again. I want my edge back. It got me so far, and then just went away, and in its place came human weakness and frailty. Law school must be a new beginning. It must. Except, I cannot figure out what to keep and what to leave behind, and therein lay my biggest dilemna. Will summer help the sorting? It must, it must...