"Man Up?"

Well, I guess I know what I need to do. Except one minor problem, I really don't! I honestly have no fucking clue what I am supposed to do. It is all on me, or at least that is what I feel right now. Regretfully, this is how it's got to be. The biggies, always have to be done alone.

I wrote in my journal today. First time in like weeks. It was very cathartic, and as always helps me to think of what needs to be done. So many thoughts, and so much backtracking. It is not an enviable position I find myself in, but we deal. Now I man up and do what needs done.
There is a hell of a lot to think about and do, so thank god for break this week. I can eat like a pig, sleep like a cat, and shop like a WASP's trophy wife. It is going to be fucking hot!, Plus there is church twice in one week. I think that is actully something I've been lacking, my holy days. They reenergize my week, and it has been too long since I was last at a service.

I feel better. I feel better because I may be lost, and confused, but I have a plan. Albeit a not perfect plan, but still it is one to be put in action. Now, later, who knows, but I'm preparing. Melodrama never did suit me. But pragmatism doesn't do that either. So to lofty ideals, my I have the balls to do what must be done!!!