Sunday, September 17, 2006

"So it begins..."

I have one of two paths to take. Either I fight with all my being to stay stagnant and the same. Letting none of the crap around me to turn me into a cold hearted frigid bastard. Or I can become a cold hearted frigid bastard, but I decide how, why, and when. Frankly, I choose the latter. Last night was unnacceptable. Too many hours and tears were shed to get better. I will not go down without a fight. My neurosis will never have me again.

Oona was right. Law school changes you. I think its time to let it. Maturity is a cold mistress. But one who will keep guide you well through the pratfalls of life. You lose your childhood, and you may even lose some friends. Yet, you gain an entirely new perception of your life. No great lawyer ever said, "I wish I had been nicer to that defendant, or I wish I had more friends in law school." The best thank God every time they win a case, crush a person on the stand, and achieve their goal whether making partner or becoming Your Honor.

If it were not for one ideal, I would give up, because I would feel the change is more detrimental than the goal is rewarding. As is, I become my work. Not as revenge to anyone, because then they won. Not for some haughty pride, because then I am weak. I do it for a much cooler end. Friendship will come. I refuse to lose what respect I have left from you, by bitching about what does not matter. You've been kind without asking. I realize I questioned that, so I must earn any more emaphy I get.

" You are evil"
"Evil? Never...well, no, never. Stay in check and above all what is up to you, but always, believe."


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