Friday, May 26, 2006

Well at least I made a decision...

I guess I finally made as declarative decision as I will ever make! Who knows the outcome, but I am content within my own thoughts and pinings right now. From this point I figure I have all the luxury of time and soon to be solitude. It is funny how I am the most independent, dependent person I know of. I enjoy doing what I want when I want, but I generally need someone around to do things with at all times. This whole not driving thing will lead me to craziness. I hate that I will depend on everyone around me for two months. It gets tedious for all of you, and there is nothing I can do about it. Many long lonely nights are in my future. And any who think that my depression will not be set off it mistaken. Amazing how hard I have fought to stave it off, but what if it comes back. I'm screwed.

My biggest mental fault, is that I worry so much about the future and what is going to happen, to the point of intense misery on my part. But, when I reach that scary point, I end up being fine, and dealing with it as best as I am able. My greatest trait, nothing gets me down for long. And I always have a plan B. Determination shall get me far.

Last night was off the hook. Totally put in my place by a former classmate I hated at McCaskey named David. I cannot even begin to say how horrid I felt over a comment he made. Jess and I got fairly drunk, actually I was very drunk. I needed it. Wow, can we say burgeoning alcoholism. Well anyhow, I dont' feel like detailing too much, I'll write it down. That always helps more. Needless to say, this summer is looking like shit so far... Here's to lowered expectations!


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