Sunday, December 10, 2006

"Upside down..."

My life is all turned upside down. Everything I have come to rely on in the past few years, everything that has kept me sane, and made me happy, has in some way fallen apart, changed, rearranged, and none of it is of my own volition. This tends to cause a minor to major bit of malaise in a person. I know it has in me.

The worst part is knowing that I have to let all things take their course, and like it. I feel like I have no control over anything except perhaps school. Honestly, not the most fun thing to have singular control on. Where I need to change is supposedly apparent. But I do not know where to start. Where I need to just bide my time and wait for everything to be okay, I am nervous. And where I am supposed to grin and bear it all, until such a time as deemed better, I just get angry.

This is supposed to be the happiest time of the year. Rather it is a reminder of how everyone else is happy, and I am just sad. One very big part of this is that I am lonely. Who knew? I know I did not see that one coming. I guess therapy is coming along well already. It is the greatest enigma, I am going to get better, yet I fear one major lesson learned could be what makes me most upset...


Post a Comment

<< Home