Sunday, February 04, 2007

"The only way to get what you want, is to do things for yourself!"

I have tried everything I can possibly do to make sure I do not have to grow up, or change who I am inside, just to get through law school. Still, I fight to keep my inner core of my being true to who I am, but I have made a very big differentiation finally. Growing up and defending oneself, is not the same as losing your soul to the law. I will not let people get in the way of what I want.

Perhaps, I still wonder what it is I want, but I know that no person or persons will interfere with my finding out, and achieving any goals I set. The hard aspect of this, and in growing is that I now see, some people are just not worth the fight. Last night I was asked why I do not want to fight for a friendship, and I said, because he is not good enough. A small band of friends whom I rely on and who will always support me or set me straight if need be is all that is necessary. Someone who is a fair weather friend is not worth the effort. For the first time in my life, I am starting to see that I do not need people, and even the ones I think I need or want, may not be around much longer, so I better move on and rely solely on my own fortitude.

Oh boy, two weeks to go before finals. Amazing, its worse than the SATs, PSAT's, and even the LSAT's because these tests, though not defining who I am in value, will be a big determining factor as to if I am staying or not. It sucks, because for the first time in a few months, this week, I felt like I belong. And that's important because I did not do anything of great note, nor was the week fantastic understanding wise. This allows me to believe that hard or easy, I maybe have a chance. That is all I can rely on, but it has to be enough. A chance, a hope. I have staked my future on such little things before.

At a time when everything around me is falling apart and I feel like only the select few are on my side, I grow. When everything is good, one grows complacent. It is adversity which matures and refines us. Either I am a man or I give up on everything and it is finished...


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