Torn...


Blah, I hate when I have dilemnas that only really exist in my own head, hahah. I really must stop building up futures and fantasizing about things that aren't going to ever actually happen. It's rather sad, haha. But, as one who reads some books like it was 1984, and they were going out of style, I cannot help but live in literary daydreams all the time. It makes me feel better to just create all these wild stories and adventures involving me and others. Probably people would just laugh their asses off if they knew what my daydreams consist of. Mostly its winning the lottery or being a really rich lawyer who makes it big with one litigation, and then spends like theirs no tomorrow. Money, it would be great to have again, cause I'd spend it as fast as I earn it. Why save, it won't be around forever. And if I can make those I love happy with it, cool beans!

So my dreams lately have been crazy. Some are downright scary, like actual nightmares. I have not had those in quite a few years. But they are getting pretty bad, and waking me up. Needless to say, I imagine that they stem from quite a few recent events that have occured. School thoughts, friendship/nonrelationship problems, and my own paranoias, all coming to a head. I ran in one dream from room to room and no one was there to hear me scream. Or in another I was being chased by this like baby creature, very strange. Even the most mundane ones are pretty damn obvious in what they say about my phobias. Though to write those down would lead to ridicule I dont' think I can take from you right now. Your cynical laughter, though cute, would hurt a bit much right now.

Hmmm not sure what else is on my little mind... that should be good for now. I can honestly say can't wait for my concert in a week. I'm happy so many are coming to see it, just because they know I tried so hard for it...Yay!