Saturday, April 01, 2006

So much to say, so much to think about, so many parallels. Why must this all start again? I want to write it all down, and talk to you, but would you listen? Perhaps, in fact most likely, but to share it all would just hurt too much... You may laugh, or scorn, but I think you would be kind and commiserate about what I am going through. Matt is a great guy, but if I go through with it, I shall simply repeat all I did with you, only without any of the benefit. I would prepare him for a life he never dreamed possible, but I will only be the one who loses out. He will scorn me and hate me for ever opening up his horizons, and I wonder, why must I be the one to help out those I love to find abetter person in the end? Fair, no, and hell I gave up on my martyr complex ages ago, so I say, what the fuck???? hahaha. It is a terrible thing to see, but I know I must face this fork in the road and decide which path to choose. Do you have a way you'd want me to choose, hmmm I often wonder, but I must make it myself. And should I choose wrong, I lose everyrthing, for the best??? I do not know.
Work is fucked up, people are coming and going left and right. Damn I wish I had seen you before you go, so much to talk about. I know you not only don't need me, but would rather see me far away, but I also , know you do, and don't mind all that much. So much to tell you, well soon. Hope you read this and take heart.... Goodbye my love, avoir les enfant!


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