Saturday, June 03, 2006

"Crime and Punishment"

Perhaps after War & Peace I shall have to reread this book, even though I hated it. Why you ask? Because I am finding out the hard way what it truly means to lose it all in one swoop, though the outward appearances remain quite the same. For this punishment is not one of the judicial variety or literal kind, but of the spirit and essence of what I am. By taking away or changing everything I had known up to this point, I feel more isolate than I have in ages. And without that one person to whom I looked for both dissension, the honest truth, but also a good laugh, well I feel terribly hurt. Caused purely by my own self, no. But was the entire parting of the ways exacerbated by me, yes. I have a question to pose to you. It is very simple, but one that has stuck in my mind since our last tete a tete. Hmmmm. Hopefully I shall see you soon to ask.

Amazing how simple I am that I can get more upset over not seeing someone, versus losing my license. This just shows my priorities, and how I am able to deal with life. I figure the big things are out of our control, but if our friends and family are there, we can ultimately deal with anything. But what happens when they are all gone too? I guess I will find out come August. I knew it was coming, but I did not think some would leave before then. Only time will tell if I make it on my own. Honestly, between you and I, and I imagine you think the same, I will not. You're right, I'm just not strong or talented enough. Or more aptly, I'm just not good enough...


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