Tuesday, July 04, 2006

My only goal is just to be...

Amazing how hard of a goal that can be in these days. I want to just try to be myself, and be true to what I believe. Yet, when I do that, I end up lonely or alone. Then if I try to hard to please others I am morose and become indignant. It is a tough rope to walk choosing between the two. Equilibrium has never been my strongest suit.

So I have tried something new, and as such cannot tell exactly how it is all going. But there always seems to be that roadblock in the way. It is not an intentional thing on either persons part, I believe it just exists. When you ultimately know what you want, it is difficult to alter those ideals, and perhaps, that just shows, how little you actually want the change. After all, a few weeks cannot and is not supposed to be as good as four years.

Speaking of which I hope you do not let me down tomorrow. Doubtful you will read this anytime soon, so by the time you do, you will already have known the outcome of tomorrow. But as I do not have the gift of psychic abilities, I must merely hope. Tomorrow is an important tradition for me, and I do look forward to it. For you to let me down, would be such a blow, I am unsure of what I would think. You never let me down on the things that matter, so I do not imagine you would on this. But a lot has changed between us in the past few months, nothing is for sure anymore. I will go out on a limb though, and say I know you will come through...I know.


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