Sunday, December 10, 2006

"Upside down..."

My life is all turned upside down. Everything I have come to rely on in the past few years, everything that has kept me sane, and made me happy, has in some way fallen apart, changed, rearranged, and none of it is of my own volition. This tends to cause a minor to major bit of malaise in a person. I know it has in me.

The worst part is knowing that I have to let all things take their course, and like it. I feel like I have no control over anything except perhaps school. Honestly, not the most fun thing to have singular control on. Where I need to change is supposedly apparent. But I do not know where to start. Where I need to just bide my time and wait for everything to be okay, I am nervous. And where I am supposed to grin and bear it all, until such a time as deemed better, I just get angry.

This is supposed to be the happiest time of the year. Rather it is a reminder of how everyone else is happy, and I am just sad. One very big part of this is that I am lonely. Who knew? I know I did not see that one coming. I guess therapy is coming along well already. It is the greatest enigma, I am going to get better, yet I fear one major lesson learned could be what makes me most upset...

Friday, December 01, 2006

"One More Month"

Wow, there is just one more month until the beginning of a New Year. So it is time to do some random house cleaning, mind clearing. Easier said than done, but that is alright. If it were easy to get one's life back in order, it would not be worth doing. I really do like struggle far too much. I fear what is easy or directly in front of me. Hence why I get so agitated by dreadfully literal people. Yet I am the most literal minded person at times in the world.

Finals are already over, and second quarter is through it's first week. Just two more until Christmas vacation. Not very long at all. I want to just relax and enjoy some time in the city, but that seems to be highly unlikely. After all, my friends are all shut-ins. Then when they get home, IM me and complain about a boring night! It is beyond me what they want out of it all. Yes we are here to learn and to get our best grades. But if people cannot relax now when it is just school, what the Hell will they do when they enter the world of law? It only gets worse as we get older for the next thirty years or so, till we get to positions of power and call the shots.

Well, I just took a sleeping pill a bit ago and its taking effect. So I am off to bed, till later...