"Unless..."

This single word, the last in the book the Lorax. It is very fitting for life right now. Unless. Unless I change, and become a man of some worth, I have lost. Unless I stop worrying and comtenplating, I will not be satisfied. Unless I work harder and get A's I will be kicked from my dream. Unless...

There is very little to say right now. I think that I am completely confused. I write this wondering if anyone but myself will see it? I write knowing I drove away a friend, again. And I write, realizing I have only myself. Not that there are not those who care, but unless I grow and rely solely on myself, nothing will change, and I will be lost.

I do not want to be unhappy and i do not want to be lost. I want back my confidence. And I want to make those around me happy. I want to make myself happy. Yet, I also know, that though my ways of coping are not anyone else's, they are still mine. Unless I take ownership of my being, I will be run over by every person till the day I die.

Unless I stand up for myself and what I think and what I believe, I will be nothing. That idea cannot be borne. I am something, whether affected, imperfect, crazy, or abstract oh well. I am the amalgamation of all that has surrounded me since birth. Every person has affected, altered, and imprinted a bit of themselves on me. To deny my birth, my upbringing, and my current knowledge would be to live life in vain. Unless I grow up, i will be alone.

So much happens so suddenly. I am so smart, yet so blind to the realities of life. Now life is here. And I will face it head on. I hate anticipation, but I never back down from the present. I fight all battles once here. I am tired, mentally, physically, spiritually. I want and need a break. But it is too late. Unless I find and use my inner strength, I will become nothing.

I grow. I hurt. I will not move on happily and hope I do not have to. Yet should it come to that, in any facet of my life, I know God will give me the fortitude to see it through. I am tired of being a victim... Unless I find a way to stop, I will lose everything I care most for in life.